Distress Tolerance
Everyone goes through points of crises in their lives. This may look different to each person and could vary on scale of severity. Some examples could include a divorce, a death, a breakup; or traffic, a fight and not knowing how to manage a difficult conversation. These situations can leave us feeling as though we have no control over our emotions and the situation at hand. It can leave us feeling overwhelmed hurt, tired and scared which in turn, puts us in a feeling of crisis or at our emotional breaking point. It could be a significant incidence that puts us on the edge or the straw that breaks the camel's back - either way, we feel as if we are on a metaphorical ledge.
The age-old question is how do we step down from that ledge? How do we take a step back, take a deep breathe and build a new perspective on the situation at hand? Or how can we prevent ourselves from going into a crisis in future? This is where distress tolerance can be incredibly helpful and guide us on a path to healing and acceptance. It can help guide our thoughts, feelings and patterned behaviour and allow us to constructively move through the stressor.
What is distress tolerance:
"Distress tolerance is a person's ability to manage actual or perceived emotional distress. It also involves being able to make it through an emotional incident without making it worse. People who have low distress tolerance tend to become overwhelmed by stressful situations and may sometimes turn to unhealthy or even destructive ways of coping with these difficult emotions." https://www.verywellmind.com/distress-tolerance-2797294
Tips and Tricks to build distress tolerance:
There are a few methods we can do at different stages of distress that can assist us in managing the situation a best we can.
Prevention stage:
SELF-SOOTHE
This technique needs to be completed when you aren't in crisis mode. Therefore, it needs to be practiced when you are calm and able to engage all your senses with little possibility of distracting yourself with external worries. The idea is to target all sense by engaging in an activity for just 5 minutes per day- we will use 'having a cup of tea' as the main activity example.
Sight
Use your vision to focus on something else. Count how many places you can see a certain colour in the room or focus on what words or pictures are displayed on your mug. You can also pull out your phone and scroll through some of your favourite photos.
Hearing
Listen to all the sounds in your environment. Can you hear birds chirping outside, someone shuffling around upstairs or the sound of traffic outside? Listen to music or there are many apps you can install on your phone to play white noise or calming tones.
Taste
Focus on drinking your tea. What does it taste like, what is the texture? Try to think how you may describe the taste to someone who has never had tea before.
Touch
Take note of how the cup feels in your hand and what the temperature is. Take note of how your body feels, where the pressure points are or where you are standing/sitting. Take note of any sore points or tired muscles.
Smell
Whether it’s good or bad, focus on whatever scent is in the air. You can also smell your tea or light up a scented candle. Choose something that you love to smell and think of how you may describe it to a friend.
Amidst crises:
TIPP is the acronym to use when you want to follow the below practical tips. This method is designed to be used when you're in the midst of crisis, to bring you off of the ledge of emotion and try to alter your perspective in the acute phase of turmoil.
Temperature
When we’re upset, our bodies often feel hot or heat up. Try some techniques to ground you in the moment and change your temperature. This could include holding or eating ice cubes, splashing your face with cold water or taking a cold shower.
Intense Exercise
Do intense exercise- it doesn't have to be a marathon, but you need to get your heart rate up quickly. Sprint on the treadmill, join a boxing class at gym, or do jumping jacks until you’ve tired yourself out. Increasing oxygen flow helps decrease stress levels.
Paced Breathing
Even, deep breathes can help slow your heart rate down when feeling stressed. It's a great physiological tool that is proven to work. I find "box breathing" to be the most effective. Each breath interval will be four seconds long. Take in air for four seconds, hold it in for four seconds, breathe out for four, and hold for four seconds. Repeat this until you're feeling calmer, and your heart is no longer racing.
Paired Muscle Relaxation
This is the technique of targeting a select group of muscles, tightening them for 5 seconds and then relaxing them before moving onto another set of muscles. I enjoy doing this in yoga or lying on the floor before bed time. Start in your toes and slowly make your way up your body until all muscles are complete.
Prolonged crisis:
ACCEPTS is the acronym to use when you are in crisis or heightened emotional state for a prolonged period of time. It denotes how to work through your emotions systematically to bring new light and perspective on an ongoing issue in your life. I would argue that this type of crises is the most exhausting and debilitating, and so the more you can help yourself, the better you will manage and respect your over all well-being.
Activities
Engage in any healthy activity - try to explore your interests and learn about yourself in this time. Read a book, do pottery or embroidery, learn a new recipe, go for a walk or call your friend/family. Try to keep yourself distracted in and your mind focused on positive actions. If you finish, move on to a new activity. You may end up with a whole bunch of skills ready to load onto your own CV!
Contributing
Try an act of service for a friend, family or stranger. This could be cooking for them, running an errand or volunteering at a local charity. The first benefit is as above - it will distract you in a healthy way and focus you mind in a positive direction. Secondly, it will help build a positive image of yourself which will positively affect your thinking.
Comparisons
Take a step back and try to look at your situation with fresh perspective - birds eye view. Are there similar situations you have been in during the past where you have learned life lessons and can now draw on those experiences to help you in this new challenge? If this is perhaps the worst situation you have been in, are there perhaps people in the world facing tougher circumstances such as starvation or ward? The goal of this exercise is not to add more distress and emotional pain to your current situation. Instead, use this skill to add a different perspective to what you’re experiencing right now.
Emotions
Your emotions are your own and only you have the power to control them. Try to counteract them the best way you know how. If you are sad, watch a happy movie, if you are anxious, practice meditation. Adding the opposite emotion reduces the negative emotion.
Push Away
It's okay if you are not ready to deal with the emotions at the present time. You are allowed to temporarily push those emotions away as long as you come back and deal with them at a later stage when perhaps, you feel a bit stronger.
Thoughts
Make note of any negative self-talk and thoughts. It's very easy to fall into a trap of negative thinking and you need to ensure you are speaking kindly to yourself. Start by noting each time you make a negative thought and replace it with a slightly more neutral or positive way of phrasing the emotion in the moment.
Sensation
Use your five senses to self-soothe during times of distress. You can use the TIPP practical examples given above, or you can practice self-care activities such as taking a relaxing bath, eating your favourite snack or taking yourself to the spa. Anything that appeals to your senses can help you cope with the present situation.
As always, I hope this information is of use to you. Please do reach out for any support and guidance. Please do let us know any feedback you may have by contacting us on our contact page or by sending us an email.
