Resting without reason

In today’s fast-paced world, rest often feels like a luxury – something we “earn” after a certain number of productive hours. But this mindset is a trap. True, sustainable productivity doesn’t come from constant work; it comes from balance. Taking intentional breaks throughout your week isn’t a sign of laziness or weakness – it’s a vital strategy for preventing burnout and ensuring long-term success.

What if we allowed ourselves to rest without needing a reason? No guilt, no apologies, no expectations. This kind of rest, where you step back simply because you need it, is the antidote to burnout. It’s in those pauses, free from any obligation to be "productive," that you can recharge both mentally and physically.

Let’s explore five ways to incorporate these guilt-free breaks into our weekly routines, so we can rest with purpose—and without needing a reason.

1. Set Micro-Break Alarms

Block out small breaks throughout your day, even if it’s just five or ten minutes every hour. Set a timer or use a reminder app to prompt you. These micro-breaks will help reset your mind, boost focus, and keep stress from building up. During this time, try a simple breathing exercise, stretch, or look out a window to reset.

2. Establish “Non-Negotiable” Time-Off

Schedule at least one larger break each week, where you fully step away from work or other responsibilities. Put it in your calendar like an important meeting, and honor it as such. Use this time to do something you enjoy without attaching any productivity goals to it—whether that’s a walk, a movie, or simply lying on the couch.

3. Embrace the “5-Minute Rule”

If you feel resistant to resting, start small. Tell yourself you’ll rest for just five minutes; no more, no less. This practice takes the pressure off, and you may find yourself naturally wanting to rest longer once you start. It's about giving yourself permission to take a break, even if it’s brief.

4. Unplug and Go Device-Free

During your break times, disconnect from screens. Turning off notifications or leaving your phone in another room lets you fully detach from the digital world. This can help you unwind more effectively and return to tasks with fresh energy.

5. Redefine Rest as “Recharging”

If “rest” feels too passive, reframe it as “recharging” to remind yourself of its true value. Resting isn’t about doing nothing; it’s about investing in yourself so you can show up fully. Embrace breaks as an active way to replenish your energy and resilience.

If you're struggling to give yourself permission to rest, try reframing how you view downtime. See it as an essential investment in yourself rather than time "lost." You don’t need a crisis or exhaustion to justify it; rest is inherently valuable. Let’s challenge the notion that every minute needs to be maximized toward an end goal and instead embrace moments of rest as part of a balanced life.

So next time you catch yourself feeling guilty for taking a break, remind yourself: you deserve rest, simply because you do. Make space for guilt-free rest, and watch how it transforms your energy, creativity, and overall well-being.

Rigidity: Curse or Blessing?

Harnessing the Power of Routines to Find Freedom in Flexibility

We’ve all heard the advice: be flexible, go with the flow, adapt to the unexpected. In a fast-paced world that often seems to change overnight, being adaptable is a crucial survival skill. However, what if I told you that the secret to mastering flexibility lies in embracing rigidity first? Specifically, the rigidity of a well-crafted routine.

Routines are sometimes criticized as dull or limiting, but they can be incredibly empowering. By establishing a thorough routine—one built on consistent habits and daily rituals—we can unlock the potential to navigate life's surprises with ease and creativity. The paradox is that the more rigid our routines, the more freedom we can create within them.

The Power of Routine: Finding Freedom in Rigidity

Let’s face it: life can be chaotic. From endless to-do lists and unexpected setbacks to constantly shifting responsibilities, it's easy to feel overwhelmed. Establishing a structured routine is like laying the foundation of a house. Without a solid foundation, a home would crumble under pressure. Similarly, routines give us stability, allowing us to function effectively, stay grounded, and even become more creative.

1. Efficiency and Mental Clarity

When you incorporate rigidity into your daily routine, you significantly reduce decision fatigue. Imagine having to decide each day when to work out, when to eat, or when to tackle challenging tasks. Making decisions repeatedly over trivial matters consumes valuable mental energy. Establishing a thorough routine allows your brain to go on autopilot for these repetitive tasks, freeing up cognitive capacity for more creative or meaningful decisions.

The rigidity of a set morning routine, for example, can allow you to start each day feeling organized and calm. Knowing exactly when you’re waking up, exercising, meditating, or having breakfast means that your mind can begin focusing on bigger goals instead of scrambling to organize the basics.

2. Building Habits Through Consistency

Routines offer another crucial advantage: habit formation. Consistency is the key to developing good habits. When you make activities like exercise, reading, or focused work part of your daily schedule, you eliminate the need for motivation. Habits are born from repetition, and the rigidity of a thorough routine ensures that these behaviors become automatic.

This rigid consistency has a cumulative effect, helping you establish practices that align with your long-term goals. Want to learn a new language? Adding 15 minutes of study time to your routine every day might seem rigid, but over time, this small, consistent action yields major progress. The same goes for writing, meditating, or any endeavor that benefits from incremental effort.

3. Reducing Anxiety Through Predictability

The rigidity of a thorough routine can also serve as a powerful tool for managing anxiety. Knowing what to expect in a given day can create a comforting sense of predictability. This is especially true during uncertain times, when having control over even small aspects of your daily life can bring much-needed reassurance.

By establishing clear boundaries around certain parts of your day—when you work, when you exercise, when you relax—you reduce the mental strain of constant decision-making and uncertainty. The more control you feel over your daily actions, the less stress you experience, which ultimately leads to a greater sense of well-being.

Introducing Flexibility: Freedom Within Structure

Once you have the foundation of a solid routine in place, you can begin to introduce flexibility. In fact, the irony is that rigidity provides the structure that ultimately allows you to be more adaptable. Think of routines like the sturdy frame of a canvas—the frame is rigid, but within it, you have the freedom to paint whatever you like. Here’s how you can embrace flexibility once a routine is established:

1. Creating Flexible Time Blocks

One way to introduce flexibility within your rigid routine is by incorporating time blocks that allow for variation. For example, instead of scheduling specific activities for every hour of the day, you can have designated "flex time" blocks. Perhaps you schedule two hours in the afternoon labeled "creative work." Within that time, you can choose what kind of creative activity you want to engage in—writing, painting, brainstorming a project, etc. This provides freedom while maintaining an overarching structure.

Similarly, you can plan a "self-care block" in the evening, where you allow yourself to choose between going for a walk, reading, or taking a relaxing bath. This kind of flexible structure makes it easy to adapt based on your mood or energy level while ensuring that the most important aspects of your day are still attended to.

2. Adapting When Life Throws Curveballs

With a solid routine in place, it becomes easier to manage disruptions without feeling completely derailed. Imagine a day when your morning is disrupted because of an emergency. If you’re used to operating without a routine, this disruption might throw off your entire day. However, if you have a strong foundation—where certain tasks or priorities are automatically woven into your schedule—you can quickly rearrange them and continue.

Being rigid in your overall structure means that when something unexpected happens, you have a clear sense of what’s essential and what can be shifted. This ability to adjust while still staying on track is the essence of effective flexibility.

3. The Creative Power of Routines

Many people believe that creativity and routines are incompatible, but the truth is that creativity often thrives within structure. By using rigidity to carve out dedicated time for creative pursuits, you create the opportunity for inspiration to flourish. When your brain knows that every day between 9 AM and 10 AM is writing time, it becomes easier to get into the creative flow. You’ve removed the question of "when will I write?" and instead made creativity part of your routine.

Once you’re comfortable with this consistency, you can experiment. Maybe you spend your usual creative hour trying something completely new—painting instead of writing, for example. With the security of your established routine, you have the freedom to play, explore, and innovate.

Rigidity as a Gateway to Freedom

It might seem counterintuitive, but the rigidity of a thorough routine is what ultimately grants you the freedom to be flexible. By establishing habits and structures that provide stability and predictability, you free yourself from the chaos of indecision, the stress of unpredictability, and the inertia of inconsistency. This sturdy framework allows you to adapt with confidence because you know the essential components of your life are in place.

Think of routines as a set of guardrails along a winding road. They keep you on track, but they don't dictate exactly how you navigate every twist and turn. Once you have the guardrails, you can take corners faster, slow down when you need to, or even enjoy the view—all with the assurance that you won’t go off course.

Conclusion: Embracing Rigidity to Foster True Flexibility

Rigidity doesn’t have to be a curse. In fact, the rigidity of a thorough routine can be one of your greatest allies. It brings order to chaos, fosters good habits, and offers a sense of control and stability. Once you have built this foundation, you can begin to loosen the reins, introduce flexibility, and embrace life’s surprises without losing your way.

True freedom comes from knowing that no matter what changes around you, you have a dependable structure to lean on. When you master the art of balancing rigidity with flexibility—using routines to ground you while allowing room for spontaneity—you unlock the potential to thrive in any situation. So, start by building that solid routine, and then let yourself explore the beauty of flexibility within it.

Unhelpful thinking patterns

This month's blog is on the topic of unhelpful thinking Styles. The topic is quite interesting to me as I find that all humans can be susceptible to thinking in an unhelpful way when stressful situations arise. Our brains are programmed to automatically think in a negative way and if we are not aware of that or are amenable to change that and be insightful around it, it could pose quite a challenging atmosphere within your own life. At the end of the day, my blogs are designed to provide helpful tools and ways of thinking that can assist you in living your life to the full. So, if this is something you might be a victim of, then perhaps take note of the information within this month's blog.

Unhelpful thinking patterns, also known as cognitive distortions, are biased ways of thinking that negatively affect a person's perception of reality and can contribute to emotional distress, anxiety, and depression. These patterns are often automatic and can lead to distorted views of yourself, others, and situations. Here are some common unhelpful thinking patterns:

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking

• Viewing situations in black-and-white terms, without recognizing any middle ground. For example, thinking, "If I’m not perfect, I’m a total failure."

2. Overgeneralization

• Making broad, negative conclusions based on a single event or experience. For example, "I failed this test, so I’ll never succeed at anything."

3. Catastrophizing

• Expecting the worst possible outcome in any situation, often imagining extreme scenarios. For example, "If I make a mistake at work, I’ll get fired and never find another job."

4. Mental Filtering

• Focusing exclusively on the negative aspects of a situation while ignoring the positive. For example, "I got a lot of compliments, but one person criticized me, so the whole event was a disaster."

5. Disqualifying the Positive

• Rejecting or downplaying positive experiences or achievements by insisting they "don’t count." For example, "They only said that to be nice; it doesn’t mean anything."

6. Jumping to Conclusions

• Mind Reading: Assuming you know what others are thinking, usually in a negative context. For example, "She didn’t reply to my text; she must be mad at me."

• Fortune Telling: Predicting the future negatively, without considering other possibilities. For example, "I just know the interview will go terribly."

7. Emotional Reasoning

• Believing that your emotions reflect reality. For example, "I feel anxious, so something bad must be about to happen."

8. Should Statements

• Using "should," "must," or "ought to" statements to impose unrealistic expectations on yourself or others. For example, "I should be able to handle everything perfectly all the time."

9. Labeling and Mislabeling

• Attaching negative labels to yourself or others based on a single event or behavior. For example, "I made a mistake, so I’m a complete idiot."

10. Personalization

• Blaming yourself for events outside your control or assuming responsibility for negative outcomes. For example, "It’s my fault my friend is upset, even though it has nothing to do with me."

11. Magnification and Minimization

• Magnification: Exaggerating the importance of your mistakes or problems. For example, "This small error is going to ruin everything."

• Minimization: Downplaying your successes or positive qualities. For example, "Sure, I got an A, but it wasn’t that hard."

12. Black-and-White Thinking

• Seeing things in extreme terms, such as good/bad or success/failure, without recognizing any gray areas. For example, "If I’m not the best, I’m worthless."

13. Blaming

• Holding others entirely responsible for your problems or feelings, or blaming yourself for things outside your control. For example, "It’s all their fault I’m unhappy" or "I’m to blame for everything that goes wrong."

Example: Scenario

Imagine Sarah has a presentation at work. The night before, she notices that she hasn’t had as much time to prepare as she wanted.

Unhelpful Thinking Pattern (Catastrophizing):

Sarah starts thinking, "This presentation is going to be a disaster. I’m going to mess it up completely. Everyone will think I’m incompetent, and I’ll probably get fired. I’ll never find another job, and my career will be ruined."

Impact:

Sarah’s catastrophic thinking increases her anxiety, making it harder for her to focus and prepare effectively. The more she dwells on these thoughts, the more overwhelmed she feels, which might actually hinder her performance during the presentation.

Challenging the Unhelpful Thought:

Sarah could challenge this thinking by asking herself:

• "Is it really true that one presentation could get me fired?"

• "Have I ever done a presentation before? How did it go?"

• "What’s the worst that could realistically happen, and how would I deal with it?"

Balanced Thought:

After challenging her catastrophic thinking, Sarah might come up with a more balanced perspective: "I may not be as prepared as I’d like, but I’ve done well in presentations before. If I stay calm and focus on the key points, I can get through this. Even if it doesn’t go perfectly, one presentation isn’t going to ruin my career."

Outcome:

By reframing her thoughts, Sarah reduces her anxiety, allowing her to prepare more effectively and approach the presentation with a clearer mind. This increases her chances of performing well and helps her manage any potential setbacks more constructively.

This example illustrates how recognizing and challenging unhelpful thinking patterns can lead to more balanced thoughts, reducing anxiety and promoting better outcomes.Recognizing and challenging these unhelpful thinking patterns can be a crucial step in improving mental health and emotional well-being. Techniques from cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) are often used to address and reframe these distortions into more balanced and realistic thoughts.

I challenge you to be aware of all of your negative thoughts. After all that is half the battle won.

It's the small things in life

I think this could be a broad statement, or perhaps a statement that is misleading, but I assume that in life all people aim to be happy. In a previous blog post, I have spoken about the importance of happiness. I have touched on how happiness can be in achieved in different ways and how it looks different to different people. You're welcome to scroll along to that blog if you're interested.

Today, I want to talk about how the small things in life can also achieve happiness. Now, what do I mean “by the small things in life”? This is not a phrase coined by myself but rather, the phrase is widely used and well known. It emphasizes the importance of how the mundane, routine based and every day little tasks are just as important in your daily experienece. The phrase suggests that happiness can be found in the little things rather than the monumental achievements and successes. This idea encourages people to savor the moment and be grateful for small pleasures and acts of kindness that might otherwise go unnoticed. Examples of these "small things" can include:

• A warm cup of coffee in the morning

• A smile from a stranger

• The sound of birds singing

• A hug from a loved one

• A walk in the park

• A handwritten note

• Moments of laughter with friends or family

If you're not sure what small things might be important to you, I encourage you to have a look at your camera roll and gallery on your phone. I find that people often will take photos of what interests them, a moment that they want to remember, or something that brings them joy. For example, my most recent photo in my gallery is of a little ginger cat. Every night at around 8:00 p.m. one of the neighbors’ cats, who I've nicknamed ‘Ginger’, comes to my house and plays a game of fetch. She stays for about 10 minutes and then carries on with her day. Now, although this is a short time, it brings me such joy for those short 10 minutes every day. I didn't actually realize that this small moment was so important to me until I had a look back at my camera roll and found many cute pictures of her. This moment every day with this little cat has become significant in my daily routine because it grounds me and I'm focused on the pure joy of this little cat being playful in that space.

Appreciating "the small things in life" can significantly enhance well-being in various ways:

1. Increases Gratitude

Focusing on small, positive moments fosters a sense of gratitude, which is linked to greater happiness and life satisfaction. Regularly acknowledging these moments helps shift focus from what is lacking to what is present and positive.

2. Reduces Stress

Finding joy in simple pleasures can be a powerful antidote to stress. It encourages mindfulness and being present in the moment, which can reduce anxiety and promote a sense of calm.

3. Enhances Relationships

Appreciating small gestures from others can strengthen relationships. Expressing gratitude and acknowledging these moments can improve social bonds and create a more supportive and connected environment.

4. Promotes Mindfulness

Paying attention to small details encourages mindfulness, the practice of being fully present. This can improve mental clarity, emotional regulation, and overall mental health.

5. Boosts Mood

Simple pleasures can trigger the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. Regularly experiencing small joys can thus elevate mood and foster a positive outlook on life.

I do feel that the biggest limiting factor here is awareness. Only when I looked back at my camera roll, did I realise that this little cat was important and joyous for me. I, therefore, encourage you to ‘spot the happiness’ in your day - find the small moments in your day that bring you a sense of peace, calm or joy. Then, fill your day with those moments that make you cherish life. It will only help your overall wellbeing.

The importance of values

This past month, I was privileged enough to be spending time with my family. My Close family all live in South Africa, and this month they up for my uncles wedding and to spend some time traveling in Europe and the United Kingdom. As you can imagine, this time was so special as I got to spend a lovely time altogether having lunches, exploring the local town and seeing a few tourists attractions. It was dedicated time altogether which meant the world to me.

After recording my podcast with Lara Rebecca which will be coming out shortly, it got me thinking about what my values are and how important values are to each person in their own life. It also got me thinking about how important they are within someone's own recovery journey.

Values are deeply held beliefs and principles that guide an individual's behavior and decision-making. They serve as a personal compass, influencing priorities, actions, and attitudes. Values can encompass a wide range of concepts, such as honesty, integrity, kindness, loyalty, and respect. They are often shaped by cultural, familial, religious, and personal experiences and can evolve over time. Values play a crucial role in shaping a person's character and interactions with others, providing a sense of purpose and direction in life.

I've realised within the last two years, especially after moving to the United Kingdom from South Africa, that family is one of my own values. I value this because these are the people that made me who I am, they gave me such a beautiful childhood which I am so grateful for and they showed me what unconditional love and respect looks like. I don't think a lot of people grow up in such a wholesome, well-rounded and grounded household. It's only now in my adult years that I can see how hard that type of environment is to create and to sustain for a child. It's a true Testament to the Brilliance of my own parents and their family before them. I am lucky to call them my family.

The reason I wanted to talk about values, and have given my own example of what I value in my own life, is that I believe values are what guides our own principles, our own choices and decisions, and what guides how we behave and react to other people. It influences what type of people we keep around to support us or be friends with whom often have a big say in our life and how we make our decisions. Our values can make or break us. It guides what to prioritise in our life and what to deprioritise which can influence our recovery journey.

Values play a crucial role in influencing a person's mental health recovery journey by providing a sense of purpose, direction, and motivation. Here are several ways values can impact this process:

1. Motivation and Resilience

Values give individuals a reason to persist through challenges. For example, valuing family relationships can motivate someone to engage in therapy to improve their ability to connect with loved ones.

2. Goal Setting

Values help in setting meaningful and achievable goals. Recovery goals aligned with personal values are more likely to be pursued and attained, fostering a sense of accomplishment and progress.

3. Decision Making

Values guide decision-making processes, helping individuals choose recovery strategies that resonate with their beliefs and priorities. This can lead to more consistent and committed efforts toward recovery.

4. Self-Compassion and Acceptance

Valuing self-care and self-compassion can encourage a kinder attitude toward oneself, reducing self-criticism and promoting acceptance. This is crucial for recovery, as it helps mitigate feelings of guilt or shame associated with mental health challenges.

5. Building Support Networks

Values influence the types of relationships and support systems individuals seek out. Valuing trust and honesty, for example, can lead to building a supportive network of people who provide positive reinforcement and encouragement.

6. Coping Strategies

Values help identify healthy coping mechanisms that align with personal beliefs. For instance, someone who values physical health might engage in exercise or mindfulness practices as part of their recovery.

7. Enhancing Meaning and Purpose

Aligning recovery efforts with core values can bring a deeper sense of meaning and purpose to the journey. This can help individuals find fulfillment and satisfaction even in small steps of progress.

8. Navigating Setbacks

Values provide a stable foundation during setbacks. When facing difficulties, individuals can rely on their values to stay grounded and focused on long-term recovery goals, rather than becoming discouraged.

9. Improving Overall Well-being

Living in accordance with one’s values contributes to overall well-being and mental health. It fosters a sense of authenticity and coherence in one’s life, which is beneficial for long-term mental health stability.

10. Promoting Positive Change

Values-driven actions can lead to positive lifestyle changes that support mental health, such as establishing routines, seeking meaningful activities, and creating a balanced life.

In summary, values are integral to the mental health recovery journey as they provide a guiding framework that supports resilience, goal-setting, decision-making, and overall well-being. It's important to take the time to choose your values wisely as these will impact you throughout your life and shape who you become.

Social Reintegration

I had the privilege of being on the "keep smiling” podcast this past week. For those of you who know her, no introduction is needed for Lara Rebecca -she is the brains behind the Keep Smiling Collective. This is her passion project, a space that she has created after her own mental health journey and difficulties. It's a space that is educational, informative and inspirational and uses the means of storytelling to bring positive promotion for mental health awareness. I found her podcasts fantastic and really helpful in times of need. I would recommend it to anybody going through any mental health challenge. I have put the link below to her website and podcast in case some of you may feel like you want to have a look:

https://keepsmilingcollective.co.uk/about/

In our episode we discussed the idea of social reintegration post mental health breakdown or challenge. The idea here is that so often we can speak about mental health challenges and can help people in the moment while they're experiencing mental health difficulties but we often forget about how tricky it can be to reintegrate ourselves back into society once we've started recovering from these challenges. The reason I wanted to speak about this is because quite a few of my current clients are really struggling with this and I wanted to make sure that everybody felt heard and understood and that they knew they were not alone in this experience. Our episode comes out in two weeks time and I really hope that it is inspiring, informative and you enjoy hearing it as much as I enjoyed making it. I also speak about my own journey with mental health issues and hope that by disclosing this it will help you realize that even therapists can have their own life struggles.

So why do occupational therapists find social participation so important in their therapeutic approach?

Occupational therapists work on social participation because it is essential for overall health and well-being. Social engagement enhances quality of life, mental health, and independence, while fulfilling important social roles and building necessary skills. Think about it, in your day-to-day life what roles and responsibilities do you have? For myself, I'm an employee, I'm a friend, I'm a partner, and an occupational therapist. These roles and responsibilities give my life meaning and purpose. It also creates a community and a place of support where I can lean on. By addressing barriers, promoting community integration, and supporting social interactions, OTs help individuals achieve a more balanced and fulfilling life, which is central to holistic health care.

A mental health breakdown, often referred to as a nervous breakdown, is a term used to describe a period of intense mental distress. During this time, a person is unable to function in their daily life due to overwhelming stress or mental health issues. While the specific symptoms and experiences can vary widely among individuals, some common signs and manifestations of a breakdown include: depression, anxiety, mood swings, decrease cognitive function and ability to focus, isolation from friends and family and the inability to live your life so it's full capacity the way you intended. So you can see how a mental health breakdown can really affect and disrupt how you experience and integrate yourself in your local community surrounded by friends or family.

Social reintegration post acute mental health issues refers to the process by which individuals recovering from severe mental health conditions re-establish their roles and functions in society. This involves helping them regain a sense of normalcy, productivity, and social connectedness. I also find that the more support measures and more successful you are at social reintegration, the more likely you are to be successful in your recovery plan. The process can include various supportive measures aimed at addressing the social, occupational, and psychological needs of individuals as they transition back into everyday life.

Key components of social reintegration typically include:

1. Healthcare and Ongoing Therapy: Continued mental health care, including medication management and therapy, to ensure stability and address any lingering or recurring symptoms.

2. Social Support Networks: Rebuilding or establishing supportive relationships with family, friends, and community members to combat isolation and provide emotional support.

3. Employment and Vocational Training: Assisting individuals in finding suitable employment or vocational training programs to foster financial independence and provide a sense of purpose and routine.

4. Education and Skills Development: Offering educational opportunities and skills training to enhance employability and personal growth.

5. Housing Stability: Ensuring access to safe and stable housing, which is crucial for maintaining mental health and facilitating recovery.

6. Community Engagement: Encouraging participation in community activities and groups to foster a sense of belonging and engagement.

7. Legal and Financial Assistance: Providing assistance with legal and financial matters that may have been affected by their mental health issues, such as debt management or navigating disability benefits.

8. Peer Support: Utilizing peer support groups where individuals can share experiences and strategies for coping, fostering a sense of solidarity and mutual understanding.

The goal of social reintegration is to enable individuals to live fulfilling, independent lives and to reduce the risk of relapse or readmission to acute care settings. This holistic approach addresses the multifaceted challenges faced by individuals recovering from acute mental health issues and aims to support them in achieving a sustainable recovery. Try one of the above eight components to see how you can re-integrate yourself effectively if you are going through a challenging time. This could look like joining a local arts and craft club or a local sports teams such as netball. On the keep smiling podcast, one of Lara's more recent episodes was a policeman speaking about how he had made a network whereby middle-aged men came to a golf course and could speak to each other about whatever they so chose. By creating a community where people can come and enjoy themselves as well as speak about the things that perhaps are quite tricky and difficult to discuss, he was creating an environment that was very supportive and ensured that people could build lasting relationships and support networks. It starts with once more step.

As always, please do reach arts if you ever feel like you need to speak to me and let me know if these blogs are helpful in your recovery.

Distress Tolerance

Everyone goes through points of crises in their lives. This may look different to each person and could vary on scale of severity. Some examples could include a divorce, a death, a breakup; or traffic, a fight and not knowing how to manage a difficult conversation. These situations can leave us feeling as though we have no control over our emotions and the situation at hand. It can leave us feeling overwhelmed hurt, tired and scared which in turn, puts us in a feeling of crisis or at our emotional breaking point. It could be a significant incidence that puts us on the edge or the straw that breaks the camel's back - either way, we feel as if we are on a metaphorical ledge.

The age-old question is how do we step down from that ledge? How do we take a step back, take a deep breathe and build a new perspective on the situation at hand? Or how can we prevent ourselves from going into a crisis in future? This is where distress tolerance can be incredibly helpful and guide us on a path to healing and acceptance. It can help guide our thoughts, feelings and patterned behaviour and allow us to constructively move through the stressor.

What is distress tolerance:

"Distress tolerance is a person's ability to manage actual or perceived emotional distress. It also involves being able to make it through an emotional incident without making it worse. People who have low distress tolerance tend to become overwhelmed by stressful situations and may sometimes turn to unhealthy or even destructive ways of coping with these difficult emotions." https://www.verywellmind.com/distress-tolerance-2797294

Tips and Tricks to build distress tolerance:

There are a few methods we can do at different stages of distress that can assist us in managing the situation a best we can.

Prevention stage:

SELF-SOOTHE

This technique needs to be completed when you aren't in crisis mode. Therefore, it needs to be practiced when you are calm and able to engage all your senses with little possibility of distracting yourself with external worries. The idea is to target all sense by engaging in an activity for just 5 minutes per day- we will use 'having a cup of tea' as the main activity example.

Sight

Use your vision to focus on something else. Count how many places you can see a certain colour in the room or focus on what words or pictures are displayed on your mug. You can also pull out your phone and scroll through some of your favourite photos.

Hearing

Listen to all the sounds in your environment. Can you hear birds chirping outside, someone shuffling around upstairs or the sound of traffic outside? Listen to music or there are many apps you can install on your phone to play white noise or calming tones.

Taste

Focus on drinking your tea. What does it taste like, what is the texture? Try to think how you may describe the taste to someone who has never had tea before.

Touch

Take note of how the cup feels in your hand and what the temperature is. Take note of how your body feels, where the pressure points are or where you are standing/sitting. Take note of any sore points or tired muscles.

Smell

Whether it’s good or bad, focus on whatever scent is in the air. You can also smell your tea or light up a scented candle. Choose something that you love to smell and think of how you may describe it to a friend.

Amidst crises:

TIPP is the acronym to use when you want to follow the below practical tips. This method is designed to be used when you're in the midst of crisis, to bring you off of the ledge of emotion and try to alter your perspective in the acute phase of turmoil.

Temperature

When we’re upset, our bodies often feel hot or heat up. Try some techniques to ground you in the moment and change your temperature. This could include holding or eating ice cubes, splashing your face with cold water or taking a cold shower.

Intense Exercise

Do intense exercise- it doesn't have to be a marathon, but you need to get your heart rate up quickly. Sprint on the treadmill, join a boxing class at gym, or do jumping jacks until you’ve tired yourself out. Increasing oxygen flow helps decrease stress levels.

Paced Breathing

Even, deep breathes can help slow your heart rate down when feeling stressed. It's a great physiological tool that is proven to work. I find "box breathing" to be the most effective. Each breath interval will be four seconds long. Take in air for four seconds, hold it in for four seconds, breathe out for four, and hold for four seconds. Repeat this until you're feeling calmer, and your heart is no longer racing.

Paired Muscle Relaxation

This is the technique of targeting a select group of muscles, tightening them for 5 seconds and then relaxing them before moving onto another set of muscles. I enjoy doing this in yoga or lying on the floor before bed time. Start in your toes and slowly make your way up your body until all muscles are complete.

Prolonged crisis:

ACCEPTS is the acronym to use when you are in crisis or heightened emotional state for a prolonged period of time. It denotes how to work through your emotions systematically to bring new light and perspective on an ongoing issue in your life. I would argue that this type of crises is the most exhausting and debilitating, and so the more you can help yourself, the better you will manage and respect your over all well-being.

Activities

Engage in any healthy activity - try to explore your interests and learn about yourself in this time. Read a book, do pottery or embroidery, learn a new recipe, go for a walk or call your friend/family. Try to keep yourself distracted in and your mind focused on positive actions. If you finish, move on to a new activity. You may end up with a whole bunch of skills ready to load onto your own CV!

Contributing

Try an act of service for a friend, family or stranger. This could be cooking for them, running an errand or volunteering at a local charity. The first benefit is as above - it will distract you in a healthy way and focus you mind in a positive direction. Secondly, it will help build a positive image of yourself which will positively affect your thinking.

Comparisons

Take a step back and try to look at your situation with fresh perspective - birds eye view. Are there similar situations you have been in during the past where you have learned life lessons and can now draw on those experiences to help you in this new challenge? If this is perhaps the worst situation you have been in, are there perhaps people in the world facing tougher circumstances such as starvation or ward? The goal of this exercise is not to add more distress and emotional pain to your current situation. Instead, use this skill to add a different perspective to what you’re experiencing right now.

Emotions

Your emotions are your own and only you have the power to control them. Try to counteract them the best way you know how. If you are sad, watch a happy movie, if you are anxious, practice meditation. Adding the opposite emotion reduces the negative emotion.

Push Away

It's okay if you are not ready to deal with the emotions at the present time. You are allowed to temporarily push those emotions away as long as you come back and deal with them at a later stage when perhaps, you feel a bit stronger.

Thoughts

Make note of any negative self-talk and thoughts. It's very easy to fall into a trap of negative thinking and you need to ensure you are speaking kindly to yourself. Start by noting each time you make a negative thought and replace it with a slightly more neutral or positive way of phrasing the emotion in the moment.

Sensation

Use your five senses to self-soothe during times of distress. You can use the TIPP practical examples given above, or you can practice self-care activities such as taking a relaxing bath, eating your favourite snack or taking yourself to the spa. Anything that appeals to your senses can help you cope with the present situation.

As always, I hope this information is of use to you. Please do reach out for any support and guidance. Please do let us know any feedback you may have by contacting us on our contact page or by sending us an email.

Resilience

I think I may be a bit biased on this topic. Fair warning.

Resilience is the one word I truley live my life by. It's probably the one word used to describe me as a person by anyone who knows me. It's the one word that shows the type of character you'll find in me.

I have the word tattooed on me. I also have more tattoos, pictures, that resonate in the same way. For instance, I have a phoenix - they rise from the ashes after hardship. How resilient are they! I also have a wolf - probably one of the stronger more hardy animals in the wild. Again, very resilient to their circumstances.

But why do I find this word so important in my daily life and throughout my life's path? Why do I feel it's perhaps one of the most important skills to learn as a young person?

Resilience is important because it helps people and communities navigate challenges, setbacks, and adversity. It enables people to bounce back from difficult situations, adapt to change, and maintain a sense of well-being during uncertainty. Resilience builds mental strength, emotional stability, and the ability to persevere through tough times, ultimately leading to greater overall success and satisfaction in life. And who doesn't want that!

We have all had our fair share of struggles. If you walk up to anyone and ask them about their life story or what they have learnt during their hardships, I think you'd be surprised and interested to hear how they have become themselves on their life's journey. Yes, some journeys may look trickier to navigate or harder to cope with, while others may be superficial or the contrary! But each person you speak to has their own lived experience, their own story they had to create with the life skills they had developed themselves.

I recognise that not everyone is born with natural resilience. I think it's built up over time - a consequence of nature vs nurture. However, there may be a way to build this skill up on your own if you put your mind to it. Here are some tips that may be able to build this skill and put it into practice:

1. Develop a positive outlook: Cultivate optimism and focus on what you can control rather than dwelling on what you can't change.

2. Build strong relationships: Maintain supportive connections with friends, family, and community members who can provide emotional support and encouragement during tough times.

3. Practice self-care: Prioritize your physical and mental well-being by getting enough sleep, eating nutritious foods, exercising regularly, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.

4. Set realistic goals: Break down large goals into smaller, manageable tasks, and celebrate your progress along the way. Remember, if you're achieving, you'll feel more satisfied even if the goal was small.

5. Develop problem-solving skills: Learn to approach challenges with a solution-oriented mindset, seeking creative ways to overcome obstacles and setbacks.

6. Cultivate adaptability: Embrace change as a natural part of life and be open to adjusting your plans and expectations accordingly.

7. Seek meaning and purpose: Connect with your values and beliefs, and find meaning in difficult experiences by learning from them and using them as opportunities for personal growth.

8. Practice mindfulness: Develop awareness of your thoughts, emotions, and reactions, and learn techniques such as meditation and deep breathing to help manage stress and maintain a sense of calm.

By incorporating these strategies into your life, you can strengthen your resilience and better navigate the challenges that come. I hope they will be helpful in your life moving forward.

Communication

I wanted to talk about communication today as its a topic that has been brought up in my life quite consistently in the last few months. Moreover, the idea of effective communication and what that means, in respect to both my personal and professional life, has been the topic of conversation. You see, I'm a firm believer that you could have all the knowledge and understanding in the world about any given topic. However, if you are not able to express it or explain it in an effective manner, people might not always see you as smart or knowledgeable regarding the topic they've come to you for. Furthermore, I believe that if you aren't able to articulate yourself well, you could do damage. Poor communication can lead to a variety of negative consequences in various aspects of life, whether it's in personal relationships, professional settings, or broader social interactions. This could include:

1. Wasting your or your listener's time

2. Getting bored - both you and your listener's

3. Offending anyone you speak to

Addressing poor communication involves actively working to improve listening skills, expressing ideas clearly, and fostering an open and transparent communication style. It is essential for building healthy relationships, promoting collaboration, and ensuring success in various aspects of life. So how do we foster these excellent communication skills and master the art of expressing ourselves adequately?

There are the more spoken tips and tricks which will help tomancertain extent. Give them a try:

1. Active Listening: Pay full attention, avoid interruptions, and show engagement to understand others better.

2. Clarity and Conciseness: Express thoughts clearly and succinctly, avoiding unnecessary complexity.

3. Empathy: Understand and acknowledge others' perspectives and feelings to build stronger connections.

4. Adaptability: Tailor your communication style to the preferences and needs of your audience.

5. Follow-Up: Summarize key points and action items after discussions to ensure clarity and alignment.

I also wanted to find outnhowntonhave more meaningful conversations. Well, as always, I did my research and turned to TED talks. I watecherd the lovely Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation. She describes the below 10 rules or rcommendations in details and I know that if you foster them, you'll be significantly better and more effective in 99% of your conversations. Give them a try:

1. Don't multitask - be fully present and active in the conversation. Stop what you're doing and focus wholly on the conversation at hand.

2. Don't pontificate - if your idea is not to grow or learn then don't have the conversation in the first place! You're also at risk of being extremely predictable with every conversationyou have from then on.

3. Use open ended questions - allow people to describe their experiences themselves. This poses a detailed and interesting response which you can work off of.

4. Go with the flow - you'll have many thoughts come into your head as the conversation unfolds. Let them in but equally, let them out just as fast. You don't have to respond to everything that comes up with interesting talking points at each opportunity.

5. If you don't know, own it - you can be more cautious and state when you're unsure. This doesn't take away from your credibility.

6. Don't equate your experience with theirs - appreciate that these are very different people with different life experieneces.

7. Try not to repeat yourself - don't even say it in an alternative way to emphasis the point.

8. Stay out of the weeds - you don't need to depict every last detail and get caught up in it. This drags you down, again, you'll be at risk of sounding boring.

9. Listen - probably the most important one. Active listening goes a long way.

10. Be brief - be interested in other people. Be prepared to be amazed.

By incorporating these principles into your communication style, you can foster stronger connections, reduce misunderstandings, and create a more positive and productive communication environment and style. I hope you will try to facilitate these into every day life and reap the benefits!

Discipline

Has anyone ever heard of Anthony Joshua? Serena Williams? Or perhaps Lewis Hamilton? What sets these people apart? Yes, they are all talented in their own right but perhaps their dedication and discipline to their practice is what has set them apart for years. Each one of them have been at the top of their game, leading in their respective sports. That takes incredible commitment, courage, and yet again, discipline.

In the context of achieving goals, discipline refers to the ability to stay focused, follow a structured plan, and consistently work towards your objectives. It involves self-control, perseverance, and a commitment to the steps required to reach your desired outcome. It requires courage, strength and mental fortitude. Discipline in achieving your goals is about creating a structured approach, adhering to a plan, staying consistent, and making choices that align with your objectives over time. Developing and maintaining discipline is often a key factor in turning aspirations into tangible accomplishments.

Insufficient discipline can lead to a range of detrimental consequences, particularly in the pursuit of goals and maintaining a structured life. Procrastination becomes a prevalent issue, impeding progress as important tasks are delayed or avoided. Consistency falters, hindering the sustained effort necessary for goal achievement. Productivity declines, time management becomes challenging, and tasks take longer to complete. The lack of focus contributes to distraction and a sense of being overwhelmed, diminishing clarity and direction. Impulsive decision-making, strained relationships due to unmet commitments, heightened stress and anxiety, missed opportunities, and an overall sense of unfulfillment may result from a deficit in discipline. Developing this crucial skill involves conscious effort, such as setting realistic goals, creating routines, and building habits to mitigate these negative outcomes and foster personal and professional growth.

I have however, questioned if you can ever have too much discipline. The quick answer I could give, and perhaps the most politically correct, is that it depends on the person. It depends on what your goals are and what you want to achieve. If you read any of David Goggin's books you will recognise that he is likely the master of discipline. You may also recognise that you have to have another type of mental power and drive to do what he does. In his case, his goal is to be the best in every aspect - ultra marathons, world record holder in pull ups, breaking physical records left right and centre. For him, he has shown what extreme discipline looks like and it works well for the goals he wants to achieve. For the average person, his sort of discipline may land you in hospital!

The message here is scrutinise your goals, and then be disciplined in achieving them. I’ve written another blog regarding goals amd I truley recommend the read prior to following the below tips.

Here are some key aspects of discipline in goal achievement:

1. Consistency: Discipline involves regular and consistent effort. It's about doing the necessary tasks consistently over time, even when faced with challenges or setbacks.

2. Time Management: A disciplined approach to goal achievement includes effective time management. This means allocating time wisely, prioritizing tasks, and avoiding procrastination.

3. Setting and Following a Plan: Discipline often involves creating a well-defined plan or strategy to reach your goals. Following this plan, even when it's challenging, is crucial for success.

4. Resisting Temptations and Distractions: Discipline requires the ability to resist temptations and distractions that might divert your attention from your goals. This could involve saying no to short-term pleasures in favor of long-term success.

5. Adhering to Standards and Rules: Establishing and adhering to certain standards and rules can help maintain discipline. These guidelines serve as a framework for your actions and decisions.

6. Overcoming Obstacles: Discipline involves perseverance and resilience in the face of obstacles. It's the ability to stay focused on your goals even when faced with challenges or setbacks.

7. Self-Control: Discipline also encompasses self-control and the ability to make choices that align with your long-term goals, even if those choices involve sacrifices in the short term.

With a little discipline, you could be more affective in achieving your goals and pursuing you passions!

The importance of sleep

My clients might not enjoy the following read as I believe they may say “we've heard this all too much!”- I’m at risk of serious repetition or sounding like a broken juke box. Nonetheless, I need and want to spend some time today discussing sleep and why I think, we as humans, undervalue it so much.

Why is sleep important?

There are the obvious answers here: adequate sleep allows for optimal cognitive function, emotional regulation, optimal physical function, hormone balance, cardiovascular health, good metabolic function and overall good mental health and wellbeing.

The not so obvious answers include: Memory consolidation and body restoration or repair. With a lack of sleep, your hippocampus, which is involved in reciveing new information, doesn’t work effectively. It essentially struggles to take in new information. Imagine trying to do therapy or staringa new job when you’re somsleep deprived. Additionally, your body doesn’t have the time to repair itself on a cellular level which would impact your growth hormones, your immune system and waste clearance in the brain.

Therefore, prioritizing sufficient and restorative sleep is fundamental for maintaining overall health and enhancing the body's resilience against various challenges.

What would be considered enough sleep?

Once again, I watched a TED talk on sleep and, once again, I really recommend spending some time watching it. The TED talk is called “Sleep is your superpower” by Matt Walker. Matt describes in detail what happens with a lack of sleep and what happens when we get enough enough sleep- it’s quite fascinating! He explains that men who sleep for less than 5 hours per night have significantly smaller testicles than men who sleep for more than 7 hours per night. Additionally, a lack of sleep will age a man by 10 years! Equally, he explains that women have similar permanence in the reproductive organs. So my suggestion here is 7 hours of sleep per night…minimum!

What are the stages of sleep?

1. Non-Rapid Eye Movement (NREM) Sleep:

   • Stage 1 (N1): This is the transition from wakefulness to sleep. It is a light sleep stage that lasts for a few minutes. During this stage, muscle activity decreases, and the transition to sleep is marked by a slowing of the eye movements.

   • Stage 2 (N2): This is a slightly deeper stage of sleep. It is characterized by the presence of sleep spindles (short bursts of brain activity) and K-complexes (sudden, sharp waveforms). Stage 2 sleep is a more stable form of sleep than Stage 1.

   • Stage 3 (N3): Also known as slow-wave sleep (SWS) or deep sleep, this stage is characterized by the presence of slow-wave brain activity. It is a crucial stage for physical restoration, growth, and repair. The transition from N2 to N3 is often marked by a further reduction in heart rate, blood pressure, and body temperature.

2. Rapid Eye Movement (REM) Sleep:

   • REM Stage: REM sleep is characterized by rapid eye movements, increased brain activity, vivid dreaming, and muscle paralysis (atonia), preventing the individual from acting out their dreams. REM sleep is important for cognitive functions, memory consolidation, and emotional regulation.

How can we improve our sleep and rest?

Improving sleep involves adopting healthy sleep habits and creating a conducive sleep environment. Try the following tips to enhance the quality of your sleep at home:

1. Maintain a Consistent Sleep Schedule: Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends. This helps regulate your body's internal clock, improving the quality of your sleep. Additionally, don’t get side tracked on vacation either- maintain your sleep cycle. Plus, you’ll be ready to go on an adventure rather than sleep your holiday away!

2. Create a Relaxing Bedtime Routine: Establish calming pre-sleep rituals, such as reading a book, taking a warm bath, or practicing relaxation exercises. This signals to your body that it's time to wind down. Again, do this at the same time every day so your body can recognise the routine and realises that you are trying to switch your brain off!

3. Limit Exposure to Screens before Bed: The blue light emitted by phones, tablets, and computers can interfere with the production of the sleep hormone melatonin. Try to avoid screens at least an hour before bedtime. I also have an app on my phone that reduces the blue light emitted. You can set it to a certain time to come on and off each day.

4. Watch Your Diet: Avoid heavy meals, caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine close to bedtime. These substances can disrupt sleep. Opt for a light, healthy snack if you're hungry before bed.

5. Create a Comfortable Sleep Environment: Make sure your bedroom is cool, dark, and quiet. Invest in a comfortable mattress and pillows. Consider using blackout curtains and earplugs if needed. I use an Alexa to play white noise at night which I find really helpful in a noisy city as it blocks out unwanted sounds.

6. Exercise Regularly: Engage in regular physical activity, but try to complete your workout at least a few hours before bedtime. Exercise can promote better sleep, but doing it too close to bedtime may have the opposite effect.

7. Manage Stress: Practice stress-reducing techniques, such as meditation, deep breathing, or yoga, to help relax your mind and body before bedtime. Taking a bubble bath or grounding techniques can also help here..

8. Limit Naps: If you need to nap during the day, keep it short (20-30 minutes) and avoid napping late in the afternoon.

9. Be Mindful of Light Exposure: Exposure to natural light during the day can help regulate your body's internal clock. Spend time outdoors, especially in the morning.

10. Limit Liquid Intake before Bed: Minimize the consumption of liquids close to bedtime to reduce the likelihood of waking up for bathroom trips during the night. Additionally, you won’t be banging your toe on the cabinet because you didn’t want to turn on the light!

Perhaps our new year goal can be, for all of us, to get some better quality and amount of sleep so that we can promote a healthier, younger looking, more confident and fulfilled version of ourselves. I also hope that one day, I won’t have to work so much on sleep, that it will just come naturally ro all and my clients wont roll their eyes when I harp on about it!

Goal setting

I find that when we have significant goals we want to accomplish, these can often times feel daunting. We have these major dreams and wants but have no idea how to get there. This deludes us into thinking we can't achieve them and we talk ourselves out of the project altogether.We don’t even start which means we never achieve what we really want. My goal today is to help you start and achieve your goals by breaking them down into bite size pieces and ensuring your success.

Firstly, we need to know what motivates us. Having both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation is crucial for a well-rounded and sustainable approach to pursuing our goals. Intrinsic motivation, driven by personal enjoyment and passion, ensures long-term commitment and adaptability. Extrinsic motivation, involving external rewards or consequences, provides direction and can boost performance, particularly in goal-oriented situations. The combination of both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation enhances overall well-being, creativity, and success, offering a balanced and comprehensive approach to achieving objectives. Ask yourself the following questions:

1. How do I enjoy spending my time?

2. Does this activity set my soul on fire? Ie. Is it your passion?

3. What specifically about that activity brings joy?

4. Do I want to better myself in this activity? This can be in any form imaginable.

5. Is this activity funded by intrinsicn or extrinsic motivation? Both?

For example, you may find that spending time with family is important, it’s a passion and this brings significant joy. You want to spend more time with family and its both intrinsically and extriniscally motivated as it benefits all involved. If you have an activity that you love to do, you want to improve yourself in and it’s both intrinsically and extrinsically motivated, then half the battle is won.

I listened to a really brilliant podcast by Davidn Roberts called Purpose with people. He has an episode called “Supercharge SMART goals to make them Exciting, Scary and Transformational”. It’s a really informative listen and will absolutely help you focus and narrate your goals for the year. Its great that he released it at the start of 2024 as it will help us all pursue our 2024 goals with purpose and passion. Once you’ve had a listen, follow the below steps to really solidify your goal pursuit this year:

1. Define Clear Objectives:

   • Clearly articulate what you want to achieve. Specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART) goals provide a structured framework.

2. Understand Your "Why":

   • Identify the underlying motivations and reasons for pursuing a particular goal. Understanding the significance of a goal enhances commitment and resilience.

3. Break Down Large Goals:

   • If a goal is substantial, break it down into smaller, manageable tasks. This makes the goal more achievable and allows for incremental progress.

4. Prioritize Goals:

   • If you have multiple goals, prioritize them based on importance, urgency, or their alignment with your broader objectives.

5. Set Realistic and Challenging Targets:

   • Goals should be realistic and achievable, but they should also challenge you to grow. Striking a balance between realism and ambition is crucial for sustained motivation.

6. Create a Timeline:

   • Establish a timeline for achieving your goals. This adds a sense of urgency and helps you track progress. Regularly review and adjust timelines if necessary.

7. Identify Potential Obstacles:

   • Anticipate challenges and obstacles that might arise. Develop strategies to overcome them, fostering resilience and adaptability.

8. Seek Support:

   • Share your goals with supportive friends, family, or mentors. Their encouragement and feedback can be valuable, and they may provide assistance when needed.

9. Monitor Progress:

   • Regularly assess your progress toward your goals. Celebrate small victories and adjust your approach if needed. Keep track of what is working and what needs modification.

10. Stay Flexible:

    • Be open to adjusting your goals as circumstances change. Life is dynamic, and flexibility is essential for adapting to new opportunities or challenges.

11. Visualize Success:

    • Create a mental image of yourself achieving your goals. Visualization can enhance motivation and focus, helping you stay committed to your objectives.

12. Celebrate Achievements:

    • Acknowledge and celebrate milestones along the way. Recognizing your accomplishments reinforces a positive mindset and encourages continued effort.

13. Learn from Setbacks:

    • If setbacks occur, view them as learning opportunities. Assess what went wrong, adjust your strategy, and use the experience to grow stronger.

Goal setting is a dynamic and ongoing process. Regularly revisit your goals, refine them based on changing circumstances, and set new objectives as you achieve previous ones. The process of goal setting is not only about reaching specific destinations but also about personal growth and development along the journey.

Motivation

Firstly, I want to wish you all a warm and Happy New Year. I hope the festive season was kind to all of you and that you had a much needed rest over the period. I understand that the this time can be quite provoking for some and thus I hope you can look back on it with joy and laughter. I also want to wish you all a happy and energy filled year ahead. I hope the year brings you everything you need it to.

On that note, I've decided to write today’s blog around motivation. You see, this is something that I have been struggling with starting this new year. I’m usually quite focused and energised to pursue my goals, but for some reason, getting myself started this year has been incredibly challenging. Even writing this blog has been troublesome as I wanted to post at least twice a month going forward, but as you can see, I'm quite late to the punch this January. This did pose the questions - Is something wrong? Why am I not more motivated? How do I push myself to start again? How do I get my focus back.

As with all my blogs, I turned to TED talks. I watched a few hours of how motivation works, how we can build motivation in others, how to motivate staff etc. What I didn’t find was how to help myelf in this slump unfortunately. So I turned to my supervisor. He, too, is an immigrant living far from home and family, just like me. I explained my feelings and where my mind has been for the last few weeks and he posed a very important question which I have been perseverating on for some time now. He asked “Have you given yourself time, Michelle?”

I went home for Christmas for the first time in 4 years. It was special. I saw everyone I wanted to and realised just how special this time is for me and my family. So you can imagine, when I had to leave them after having such a great time being home, it was hard to say goodbye. I think the goodbye hit me harder than I may have let on initially. Which leads me to my first point when trying to manage poor motivation:

1. Awareness and acknowledgement

   Is there something underlying that you perhaps have not acknowledged or dealt with? In my case, leaving my family, yet again, hit me harder than it has in the past. Maybe because it was such a happy time, more happy than most, that when I left, the low was lower than most. Ask yourself if something is bothering you, if there is an underlying emotion you have not given thought to. This ties in with my supervisors question: no, I had not given myself the time to think about how the change and separation had affected me. I had not acknowledged that I was lower in mood than usual. Instead, I was hard on myself questioning why I was not returning to my routine and focus as normal. It seems almost silly now, expecting myself to continue on my path as normal, when I had not acknowledged that I had been knocked down onto the floor. We need time to acknowledge our feelings. Which brings me to my next point:

2. It’s okay to seek help

   Having spoken to my supervisor, he was able to make me take a step back and question myself. However, now having acknowledged what has affected me, I think I need further time and professional help to process these emotions. I realised that I do need to talk to someone which I have now reached out to. I think I can acknowledge that speaking to someone doesn’t necessarily have to only be when we have these completely life altering moments, but can also be used to process an emotion in the short term. There are plenty of people out there to support you, all you have to do is look for it. Funnily enough, just by doing these two steps, I've already felt a change and have felt in a better space to refocus and start achieving my goals for the year.

3. I think it's important to also touch on some key concepts regarding motivation:

Intrinsic vs Extrinisic Motivation

1. Intrinsic motivation

   • Intrinsic motivation occurs when individuals are motivated by internal factors, such as personal enjoyment, curiosity, a sense of challenge, or the inherent satisfaction derived from the activity itself. For example, someone who loves painting because they find it personally fulfilling and enjoyable is intrinsically motivated.

2. Extrinsic motivation

   • On the other hand, is driven by external factors, such as rewards, punishments, recognition, or the desire to avoid negative outcomes. For example, a student who studies hard to earn good grades (external reward) or avoids procrastination to prevent a low score (external punishment) is extrinsically motivated.

3. Comparison

   • Source of Motivation: Intrinsic motivation arises from within the individual, driven by personal interests and the inherent satisfaction of the activity. Extrinsic motivation, in contrast, is influenced by external factors or consequences.

   • Sustainability: Intrinsic motivation tends to be more sustainable over the long term because it is tied to personal satisfaction and enjoyment. Extrinsic motivation, while effective in the short term, may lead to a decrease in motivation once the external reward or punishment is removed.

   • Autonomy: Intrinsic motivation often aligns with a sense of autonomy and choice, as individuals engage in activities because they want to. Extrinsic motivation may involve external control, as individuals may feel compelled to behave in a certain way due to external pressures.

4. Coexistence

   • In real-life scenarios, individuals often experience a combination of intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. For example, a person may enjoy playing a sport for the sheer pleasure of it (intrinsic), but also participate in organized competitions to win a trophy or recognition (extrinsic).Understanding the interplay between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation is crucial in real life contexts including work, school and higher education. Effective motivation strategies often involve recognizing and nurturing both intrinsic and extrinsic factors to promote sustained engagement and satisfaction.

In summation, give yourself the time - the time to question your feelings and emotions, the time to seek help if you need this and speak through or process what you are feeling, give yourself the time to heal and the time to stand up when you're thrown down. Give yourself permission to slow down if you need to, in the know that you will continue on your path when you're ready. Lastly, find what motivated you both intrinsically and extrinsically. If you find both, you’ll set yourself on the right path at a running pace, ready to take on the year ahead!

Gratitude

When thinking of a topic to discuss for todays blog (as the final read to close off 2023) the idea of gratitude seemed to pop into my head on a few different occasions. Coupled with the festive season, holidays and family, I could not think of a more appropriate topic to help me reflect on the year gone by - and I hope it will enable you to do the same.

We oftentimes hear about gratitude or being gracious (in fact it may actually be an overdone topic for some readers) but it’s importance, benefits and impact remain steadfast and achievable. Gratitude refers to the quality of being thankful, appreciative, and recognizing and acknowledging the positive aspects of life. It involves a genuine and heartfelt appreciation for the people, experiences, and/or things that contribute positively to one's well-being and existence. Gratitude goes beyond a mere acknowledgment of goodness; it involves a sense of humility, recognizing that others have played a role in one's happiness or success.

Christina Costa describes her experience of gratitude in an invaluable TED talk (How gratitude rewires your brain) and further showcases the psychological benefits and neurological changes that gratitude provokes in oneself - its definitely worth the watch. Regularly expressing gratitude has been correlated with heightened levels of happiness and life satisfaction, along with notable improvements in mental well-being, including reduced stress and depression. The positive impact isn't confined to the mind; gratitude has been associated with enhanced physical health, such as lower blood pressure and improved immune function. Furthermore, fostering a grateful mindset contributes to stronger interpersonal connections, as it cultivates appreciation and acknowledgment, thus fortifying relationships both personally and professionally. Gratitude plays a pivotal role in building resilience, enabling individuals to maintain an optimistic outlook even in challenging circumstances. This practice also promotes better emotional regulation and a positive self-image, contributing to increased self-esteem. By embracing gratitude, individuals often find themselves more empathetic, generous, and inclined to engage in acts of kindness. Additionally, gratitude practices have been linked to improved sleep quality, fostering a sense of peace and contentment that ultimately leads to greater life satisfaction.

It’s important to take into account that gratitude itself is an active choice and that it needs to be intentionally practiced. Your brain will be able to improve its efficiency the more it practices the process or activity - by practicing gratitude religiously, the activity will become easier and less of a challenge over time. Furthermore, your self talk and ideas you think of will become more gratitude focused and positive naturally over time - isn’t that powerful! You dont need to wait for a major life event such as cancer or parkinsons to make you practice this. You can make an active choice now to improve your life, well-being and mental health.

So what can I recommend on how to practice gratitude?

Gratitude affirmations

Gratitude affirmations are positive statements or declarations focused on expressing thanks and appreciation. They are a way to verbally acknowledge and reinforce positive aspects of life. Integrating gratitude affirmations into a daily routine, either by repeating them aloud or writing them down, can contribute to a more optimistic and appreciative outlook. Three ideas a day should do the trick!

Gratitude journalling

Gratitude journaling is a practice that involves regularly recording and reflecting on things in your life for which you are thankful and appreciative. Try writing and reflection on your daily activities and describe what you were grateful for that happened during your day. Remember, it doesn’t only have to be something that went well during the day but rather, a new perspective on the same situation - Christina’s talk explains this thoroughly.

Gratitude letters

Gratitude letters, also known as thank-you letters, are heartfelt expressions of appreciation and thanks that you write to someone who has had a positive impact on your life. These letters go beyond a simple "thank you" and often involve expressing specific details about why you are grateful for the person and how their actions or presence has made a difference for you.

So as we end off a beautiful 2023, I challenge you to complete one of the above ideas before the start of 2024. Take some time before the festive rush to practice gratitude and reflect on experiences positively this year. I hope that by doing this, you can set your intentions for a fantastic 2024.

The arrogance of trust

Trust is a tricky concept and a difficult idea to talk about as it’s importance differs to each individual. Is demands integrity - having strong moral principles. It demands loyalty - giving constant and unwavering support. It demands empathy - you are much more likely to trust someone who is compassionate towards you. These all seem like great qualities to aspire to have! Why would we not willingly give trust and build trust with each new person we meet if these are the qualities it describes? Surely our lives would be more fulfilled by having these qualities intertwined with each new relationship?

However, trust is also arrogant in its nature in that it has a sense of self importance. Its illogical - it’s demands you share it when meeting new people without question or judgement. It can leave you vulnerable to manipulation and exploitation. It leaves you wide open to those who have bad intentions or who want to take full advantage of your nature. It certainly makes you question the value of trust.

Have you ever walked into a new relationship, whether it be a friendship, romantic or other, with no expectations of the other person? You walk in unassumingly and fully trust the person - because they've given you no reason not to. You fully trust because there is an assumption that this person carries similar values to you and don’t have an intention of hurting you. I think most people will be able to relate to this and could give an example of someone you met and trusted off the bat - how that could have benefited you. I'm sure you could also talk about those same relationships and how a person you once trusted may have broken your trust - perhaps a partner cheated on you or a friend spoke behind your back. You could probably also tell me how it felt to have that trust broken and whether you were able to repair it or not. We all know what it’s like to have our trust broken. Which begs the question, how do we build or rebuild trust when we may have had our trust broken in the past?

There’s a beautiful TED talk that I recommend watching (Onora O'Neil - What we don’t understand about trust). She speaks about whether to trust or not to trust, and deciphering who or what is trustworthy. It’s an insightful and brief talk- definitely worth your time. If you have been following my blogs, you may see a pattern at this point- I find TED talks to be an invaluable enrichment activity in my day.

The question she poses is - do we want to be more trusting people? Is the aim to trust more? She hypothesises that this is likely not the most wise move forward. If you aimed to trust all your neighbours, you may run into a local hooligan which could end up getting you in a sticky situation. O'Neil rather emphasises that trust should be built on whether someone is trustworthy and deciphering who or what falls into that category is a core skill of navigating life.

So how do we benchmark trustworthiness:

Competence

How efficient is a person in a task and are they successful in its completion? This could be any task - are they willing and able to post a letter for you?

Reliability

Does the person follow through from what they say, to doing what they say they will - did they actually post the letter when they promised you?

Honesty

This is probably the most important one of the three. Is the person truthful and sincere - did they tell you they posted the letter and was it truthful that they did. You’ll know if your recipient never recieved the letter!

We can assess our relationships against the above three qualities when benchmarking trustworthiness - we can make an informed decision about whether someone is trustworthy and deserves a first or second chance before walking blindly forward with them. We can safeguard ourselves as well as be open minded in getting to know someone. We can give ourselves the power to make informed decisions and choose ourselves first.

Lastly, and I haven’t touched on this point yet, we can look at intention. I personally think this is an invaluable quality. Intention behind an action can tell you a lot about the quality of person you surround yourself with. Does the person intend to hurt you? Does the person intend to help you? People do make mistakes - after all, we are all only human. Is their aim to be trustworthy and earn your trust back once broken? If the answer is yes to all 4 components (intention, competence, reliability and honesty), then opening yourself up to rebuilding trust is the first step.

The rest is hard work, time and patience.

Imposter syndrome

Curse or Blessing?

What is imposter syndrome?

This is a feeling of anxiety and not belonging. Often, its made up of people not experiencing success internally despite often being a high performer or achiever. Its a feeling of not believing in oneself or that you deserve to be where you are, whether in relationships, work or other ventures. The word "imposter" encompasses it quite well - you feel out of place, incompetent or not intelligent enough for whatever endeavor you're applying yourself to. Worst of all, you feel as though someone may catch you out in the act and tell you that indeed, you are not worthy of the position you hold. Daunting and scary stuff!

How does it control us?

The overwhelming response to this is that it creates anxiety. With every decision comes overanalysing, overthinking every eventuality, doubt, worry about what move to make next as if one decision will impact the remainder of your life. Having said this, most people who suffer from imposter syndrome, don't let it deter them from the goal at hand. They will still apply for that job even if they think they won't get it, they'll still lead a team well even if they think the manager made a mistake putting them there.

I do wonder if those experiencing imposter syndrome hold a "timeline" if you will, in their mind about how fast one is supposed to progress through life milestones? Does having that timeline limit them in how much they push themselves? Or do we try to move past it and put ourselves in an uncomfortable mental space to still keep achieving them? I'm sure both could be true. I wonder if we put our own expected timelines on others? Do we judge others when they achieve less or more than what we "expect". These are things to question and challenge within oneself.

My own experience:

Throughout my life I have always strived for high achievement and been ambitious in the path I chose. I enjoyed reaching beyond what I thought I was capable of because it always came as a sense of suprise and then, pride. As a child, I was met mostly with praise which spurred me further. However, as an adult, I was always met with external judgement - "you're too young to apply for that course", "don't you think you need more experience applying for that role?", “don't you think you need more connections before starting that business venture?”. At the time, I took these on board, harshly so - was I too young or inexperienced? Did I need to give myself more time before pushing forward? Was I ready for a new challenge? Starting a new business now- Am I too young? Do I know what I'm doing? External judgement became internal doubt and overthinking each next step. Anxiety was at the core of every decision much to my dismay.

Is there a way to use it to our benefit?

Its important to know that almost 70 percent of people experience this to some degree either throughout their life or at some point within their life - Valerie Young explains this quite well in her YouTube video (Thinking your way out of imposter syndrome). Furthermore, this feeling often does not change and the syndrome could continue throughout your life, even with years of experience and knowledge under your belt. We certainly are not alone in the feeling and is there not strength in numbers? Is that not empowering?

How can we move forward?

The thing is, there's no correct path or certain amount of time you need to spend doing a role before you can pursue another. There is no right or wrong way to progress yourself or reach for the next goal. There is no set timeline or necessary experience needed for you to choose your path. And it's your life to live the way you choose, so is there much sense in worrying about external judgment?

There are loads of resources out there to combat the feeling, to challenge your emotions here and to allow you to make a breakthrough around how to overcome imposter syndrome itself. However, many explain that the feelings persist beyond this, that there is no direct solution. The feelings of self doubt, of feeling being out of place, of not belonging often will stick with you throughout your life.

Perhaps the answer is in acceptance of the situation, of yourself and of the circumstances. Perhaps true acceptance can bring clarity and alignment in your thoughts and feelings. In summary, accepting imposter syndrome is not about resigning yourself to self-doubt but rather recognizing it as a challenge as well as a strength. It opens the door to self-discovery, personal growth, and a more positive mindset.

The fear of failure

On a basic level, fear is an intense emotion triggered by a threat or danger stimulus. It kicks our "fight or flight" response into overdrive and makes us take action in the moment. In most contexts, fear will help you react to danger - such as a spider or fire. It makes your adrenaline pump up and respond quickly - squishing the spider or running away from the fire. Its a protection mechanism - developed over thousands of years to ensure you keep yourself safe. 

But what happens if there isn't a danger and yet you still have a fear response? What happens if your fear is linked to achievement or something inanimate? What do we do when our fear is with us all day every day? There are times when it’s appropriate and not so appropriate.

When I was 16,  I travelled to Germany on an exchange program. I was ecstatic - I loved and still do love the idea of travel. I loved the idea of a new culture. I loved the idea of being in a country with tons of history ( I was brought up by a history teacher so you can imagine where my passion may have stemmed from).  I remember lying in my bed on those first few nights, paralytically scared of trying anything new, after all, I was only 16 in a brand new country. Moreover, I was so scared that I was going to return home after 3 months having learned and experienced nothing. That fear, of not taking full advantage of the moment, put me into action and ensured I made the most of my time there. I was more afraid of losing out than I was of trying something new. This moment was the start of all my ambitious adventures- to make the most of any life journey and ensure I always try everything at least once- even if I was afraid to d

I watched a brilliant TED talk on danger vs fear- I highly recommend the watch (What I learned from going blind in space | Chris Hadfield). He explains (from my perspective) that there are certain situations where danger is inherent and a completely understandable and expected reaction is a "caveman response" ie fear. The example he used was a spider. Most people will have a spasm-like reaction walking through a spider web or seeing a spider. Its a perceived danger in which we become fearful. But when you look at the facts- that most venomous spiders likely wont be near you making their webs, it puts the logic into the scenario and leaves you feeling less fearful. What if we could apply this lesson to every scenario in our lives? What if every time we were presented with a fear response, whether appropriate or not, we used only logic? Would it be freeing? Would it be inhumane?  What if every time we were met with a fear or a challenge to overcome, we could systematically work through it to better ourselves. I'm a huge fan of this idea - that we can make changes to our inherent behaviours.  

How to challenge your fear: 

Prepare, challenge and reflect. 

Prepare yourself thoroughly - by building the "logic" pattern in your brain, you can train yourself to organise your thoughts when you have a fear response. It allows you to think through all scenarios, go in with an educated mind and talk yourself through the facts. Just like Chris in space, he had done hours of research into his profession. He had to train for years before he was even considered to be an astronaut and he knew everything there was to know before he even started his role. 

Challenge yourself directly - I call this exposure therapy in my practice. The more you expose yourself to a scenario, the more likely you are to be calm and work through the fear systematically. This is directly confronting the fear. You have the lifeline of logic as well as someone doing the activity with you. In Chris's case, he had trained for hours underwater and in virtual sims. He was out on a space walk with another astronaut and he had Houston in his ear - he had challenged himself. He practiced everything that could go right as well as everything that could go wrong and challenged his inate humane response.

Reflect on your experience. This is probably the most important element. You can prepare yourself and challenge yourself but if you don't learn from those experiences, there's only so much you can achieve with it. You can learn a new lesson from each challenge. You can also share these experiences so others learn from you - how powerful! It could be something simple like a journal reflection or something more formal like a presentation. Either way, by interrogating your experience and the learning you had from it, it could change your fundamental behaviour and fear response. 

So what's the overall message from this piece? 

Fear is what you make of it. 

You can let it control you. You can let it define your decisions. You can let it limit you - don't take the risk, don't start a new job career, don't create a passion filled life for yourself. 

Or, you can choose to prepare, challenge and reflect. You can choose to give yourself the permission to follow a dream, to chase a path for yourself and to live the life you want and created. If you wanted to start a new podcast - take the leap. If you wanted to start a new business or job roll- do it! There is nothing stopping you, except yourself. If fear is all that is limiting you, the sky is the limit.