Imposter syndrome

Curse or Blessing?

What is imposter syndrome?

This is a feeling of anxiety and not belonging. Often, its made up of people not experiencing success internally despite often being a high performer or achiever. Its a feeling of not believing in oneself or that you deserve to be where you are, whether in relationships, work or other ventures. The word "imposter" encompasses it quite well - you feel out of place, incompetent or not intelligent enough for whatever endeavor you're applying yourself to. Worst of all, you feel as though someone may catch you out in the act and tell you that indeed, you are not worthy of the position you hold. Daunting and scary stuff!

How does it control us?

The overwhelming response to this is that it creates anxiety. With every decision comes overanalysing, overthinking every eventuality, doubt, worry about what move to make next as if one decision will impact the remainder of your life. Having said this, most people who suffer from imposter syndrome, don't let it deter them from the goal at hand. They will still apply for that job even if they think they won't get it, they'll still lead a team well even if they think the manager made a mistake putting them there.

I do wonder if those experiencing imposter syndrome hold a "timeline" if you will, in their mind about how fast one is supposed to progress through life milestones? Does having that timeline limit them in how much they push themselves? Or do we try to move past it and put ourselves in an uncomfortable mental space to still keep achieving them? I'm sure both could be true. I wonder if we put our own expected timelines on others? Do we judge others when they achieve less or more than what we "expect". These are things to question and challenge within oneself.

My own experience:

Throughout my life I have always strived for high achievement and been ambitious in the path I chose. I enjoyed reaching beyond what I thought I was capable of because it always came as a sense of suprise and then, pride. As a child, I was met mostly with praise which spurred me further. However, as an adult, I was always met with external judgement - "you're too young to apply for that course", "don't you think you need more experience applying for that role?", “don't you think you need more connections before starting that business venture?”. At the time, I took these on board, harshly so - was I too young or inexperienced? Did I need to give myself more time before pushing forward? Was I ready for a new challenge? Starting a new business now- Am I too young? Do I know what I'm doing? External judgement became internal doubt and overthinking each next step. Anxiety was at the core of every decision much to my dismay.

Is there a way to use it to our benefit?

Its important to know that almost 70 percent of people experience this to some degree either throughout their life or at some point within their life - Valerie Young explains this quite well in her YouTube video (Thinking your way out of imposter syndrome). Furthermore, this feeling often does not change and the syndrome could continue throughout your life, even with years of experience and knowledge under your belt. We certainly are not alone in the feeling and is there not strength in numbers? Is that not empowering?

How can we move forward?

The thing is, there's no correct path or certain amount of time you need to spend doing a role before you can pursue another. There is no right or wrong way to progress yourself or reach for the next goal. There is no set timeline or necessary experience needed for you to choose your path. And it's your life to live the way you choose, so is there much sense in worrying about external judgment?

There are loads of resources out there to combat the feeling, to challenge your emotions here and to allow you to make a breakthrough around how to overcome imposter syndrome itself. However, many explain that the feelings persist beyond this, that there is no direct solution. The feelings of self doubt, of feeling being out of place, of not belonging often will stick with you throughout your life.

Perhaps the answer is in acceptance of the situation, of yourself and of the circumstances. Perhaps true acceptance can bring clarity and alignment in your thoughts and feelings. In summary, accepting imposter syndrome is not about resigning yourself to self-doubt but rather recognizing it as a challenge as well as a strength. It opens the door to self-discovery, personal growth, and a more positive mindset.

The fear of failure

On a basic level, fear is an intense emotion triggered by a threat or danger stimulus. It kicks our "fight or flight" response into overdrive and makes us take action in the moment. In most contexts, fear will help you react to danger - such as a spider or fire. It makes your adrenaline pump up and respond quickly - squishing the spider or running away from the fire. Its a protection mechanism - developed over thousands of years to ensure you keep yourself safe. 

But what happens if there isn't a danger and yet you still have a fear response? What happens if your fear is linked to achievement or something inanimate? What do we do when our fear is with us all day every day? There are times when it’s appropriate and not so appropriate.

When I was 16,  I travelled to Germany on an exchange program. I was ecstatic - I loved and still do love the idea of travel. I loved the idea of a new culture. I loved the idea of being in a country with tons of history ( I was brought up by a history teacher so you can imagine where my passion may have stemmed from).  I remember lying in my bed on those first few nights, paralytically scared of trying anything new, after all, I was only 16 in a brand new country. Moreover, I was so scared that I was going to return home after 3 months having learned and experienced nothing. That fear, of not taking full advantage of the moment, put me into action and ensured I made the most of my time there. I was more afraid of losing out than I was of trying something new. This moment was the start of all my ambitious adventures- to make the most of any life journey and ensure I always try everything at least once- even if I was afraid to d

I watched a brilliant TED talk on danger vs fear- I highly recommend the watch (What I learned from going blind in space | Chris Hadfield). He explains (from my perspective) that there are certain situations where danger is inherent and a completely understandable and expected reaction is a "caveman response" ie fear. The example he used was a spider. Most people will have a spasm-like reaction walking through a spider web or seeing a spider. Its a perceived danger in which we become fearful. But when you look at the facts- that most venomous spiders likely wont be near you making their webs, it puts the logic into the scenario and leaves you feeling less fearful. What if we could apply this lesson to every scenario in our lives? What if every time we were presented with a fear response, whether appropriate or not, we used only logic? Would it be freeing? Would it be inhumane?  What if every time we were met with a fear or a challenge to overcome, we could systematically work through it to better ourselves. I'm a huge fan of this idea - that we can make changes to our inherent behaviours.  

How to challenge your fear: 

Prepare, challenge and reflect. 

Prepare yourself thoroughly - by building the "logic" pattern in your brain, you can train yourself to organise your thoughts when you have a fear response. It allows you to think through all scenarios, go in with an educated mind and talk yourself through the facts. Just like Chris in space, he had done hours of research into his profession. He had to train for years before he was even considered to be an astronaut and he knew everything there was to know before he even started his role. 

Challenge yourself directly - I call this exposure therapy in my practice. The more you expose yourself to a scenario, the more likely you are to be calm and work through the fear systematically. This is directly confronting the fear. You have the lifeline of logic as well as someone doing the activity with you. In Chris's case, he had trained for hours underwater and in virtual sims. He was out on a space walk with another astronaut and he had Houston in his ear - he had challenged himself. He practiced everything that could go right as well as everything that could go wrong and challenged his inate humane response.

Reflect on your experience. This is probably the most important element. You can prepare yourself and challenge yourself but if you don't learn from those experiences, there's only so much you can achieve with it. You can learn a new lesson from each challenge. You can also share these experiences so others learn from you - how powerful! It could be something simple like a journal reflection or something more formal like a presentation. Either way, by interrogating your experience and the learning you had from it, it could change your fundamental behaviour and fear response. 

So what's the overall message from this piece? 

Fear is what you make of it. 

You can let it control you. You can let it define your decisions. You can let it limit you - don't take the risk, don't start a new job career, don't create a passion filled life for yourself. 

Or, you can choose to prepare, challenge and reflect. You can choose to give yourself the permission to follow a dream, to chase a path for yourself and to live the life you want and created. If you wanted to start a new podcast - take the leap. If you wanted to start a new business or job roll- do it! There is nothing stopping you, except yourself. If fear is all that is limiting you, the sky is the limit.